She even gives head with a lisp.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
