At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
