Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
