Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
