So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
