I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize