1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
