he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
