It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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