Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
