you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
