pedialite and red bull = repair kit
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
