I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
