he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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