I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
