Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize