"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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