everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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