I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Randomize
