i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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