i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
