My room smells like vodka and shame
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize