you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
