I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize