I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
