She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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