He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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