I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
