When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
