The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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