Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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