We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
