She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
