Rock
Scissors
Fuck
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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