I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
