i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
