I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
