You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
