whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
