my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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