she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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