who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
