Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
