I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
