Im at strip club and am horny
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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