If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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