I am puke
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
