the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
