you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
