Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
