Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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