remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
too bad you live with your parents still
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize