I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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