So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
