Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
