we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
