I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
