I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
