he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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