you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
