If that was your dad, he is hot
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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