And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
