he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
