Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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