hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The adults are the big ones right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
