I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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