I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
