Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize