I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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