I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize