Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
