he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
