I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
