I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
