You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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