I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
