my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
