i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
