you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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