Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
