omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
