The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
