McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
