My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
